Break Up

I needed to have a moment and write a post about how I'm feeling right now...

My original intent for my blog has always been to write out my feelings and thoughts in order to have an outlet so my brain isn't always cluttered. That hasn't happened in awhile, but that is because I tend to distract my feelings with fun things. But its only right that since I'm going through a tough time that I should be able to really let it out in order to gain "clarity" of the whole situation. Its still fresh so right now I am in the "shock" phase.

I feel like there are 3 parts to a breakup:
1. Shock/Pain: Its going to hurt and not put you in a good place
2. Regret: Maybe this wasnt such a good idea.
3. Acceptance: This was something that happened for a reason. Now is the time to let it be.

Going through a break up is never easy and I certainly don't make it any easier on myself when I am the one doing the "breaking". Mainly because I don't want to hurt anyone in the process. But i feel like when you try to make sure no ones feelings are hurt, it makes things worse. Or is that just me?

I'm at a point in my life where I need to work on my #1 flaw in a relationship; selfishness. Its hard for me to admit and even harder to work though. But I want to try. For now, that means I cant be in a relationship. I guess I'm not ready to share my life. Or the right person hasn't come along. How many soul mates or true loves do we get in a lifetime? I might have reached my quota/capacity and that's not a very good thought.

This relationship that just ended I wanted so badly to have a different turnout. But everything happens for a reason and because of that I have to deal with whatever comes next. I badly wanted a friendship to come out of this, but it looks like that's not going to happen.

I found this poem and it sort of explains my thought process for the break up...even though it didnt entirely come out that way. Things are still fresh so maybe things will change over time....who knows.

Letting Go

by Judy Burnette

How do you walk away from someone you love

And take the road of friend;

Can you reroute the course you have taken

And start over once again?

I don't really want to let you go

But inside me I know I must;

The times we've loved . . . the times you've left

My heart says stay . . . but it's my mind I must trust.

We have shared so much together

Laughter . . . fun times . . . tears;

Yet sometimes we can't turn back time

We must walk away, and allow ourselves to heal.

I know one day you will be happy

And your soul mate you will find;

I know we each have one out there

Even if for now . . . only in our minds.

May life be gentle with you

May God's best come your way;

And on some quiet tomorrow

You will realize things were better this way.

Are there any things that I can do to help lessen the shock/pain I am currently feeling?

XOXO